Carey's Musings: What motherhood has taught me

It is necessary to have a small child go to the toilet with you. They possibly need to unroll the whole toilet roll for you or flush the toilet why you are still sitting on it.
Just how many rolls of toilet paper can fit in the toilet.......5 but I'm sure that record can be broken. (And not to leave the toilet rolls on the floor when you have boys in the house and they are still having trouble with their aim)

: 5 rolls and counting.....

Boys never flush the toilet and to check when visitors arrive so they don't get a nasty surprise.
Children need to watch you shower and ask where your willy is just in case you misplaced it and hadn't noticed. They also need to leave the door open so you shower faster cause its cold.
A bath is not a bath until a child has piddled in it, and how fast you can get out of a bath if they poo in it!

: it wasn't me!

You can lead a child to the bath but you can't make him get in if he doesn't want to. (This applies to hair washing as well)
Children like to remind you they can't be hurried especially when you are running late for something. This also the time they refuse to have their seat belt put on and you have to push them back into their seats and hold them there while you are trying to buckle the seatbelt one-handed. They also can't leave home without their teddy, favourite car and that yellow sock under the table even it means turning around to get them!
Only mothers can find socks and shoes and reading books and school bags and drink bottles......etc
It pays to check the school bags everyday for notices to avoid nasty last-minute surprises. And to empty the lunch boxes at the end of term!
How much rubbish your car can hold and when your husband drives the car you know that the funny smell is probably the apple core under the driver's seat you've been meaning to get out. (But you say you don't know anyway)
Not to show your fear of worms, spiders and other creepy crawly and to actually say in a bright cheerful voice "ooh isn't he interesting now lets put him back in his garden".
Asking your kids where the car keys are doesn't help.
You can get your hair cut with your child on your knee breastfeeding under the cape. Or chair meetings with your boob hanging out.
You can watch Finding Nemo every day for 31 days and still like it.
Listening to We will rock you by Queen on repeat in the car for 3 months will make you a little crazy...ier.
There are good kids programs and bad ones....
Little Einsteins good.......Teletubbies bad
PlaySchool good.......Go show bad
and that the oldies like Mickey and Goofy are actually quite violent but still funny.
Not all cartoons are for children....like South Park and anything else on C4 channel.
That you can now buy toys for your children that you actually wanted when you were a child....like Barbies, Mr Potato Head, Viewmasters and Etch a Sketch, and sometimes you may think your children have too many toys! See photo for the annual toy sort that takes all day!

That boys like to play with Barbie's too....just don't let the father see them they kinda freak out!

: Ethan tries on Barbie's shoe for size

A child can live on Vegemite sandwiches for three weeks and then suddenly decide they no longer like Vegemite and switch to honey. Same goes for cereal, just when you buy a new packet of the very expensive cereal the kids love they stop eating it!
How to cook 2 minute noodles. And that sometimes spaghetti for tea is ok.
Snot is part of the growing boys diet....get over it!

: Snot a vital part of a growing boys diet!

You don't get to lick the bowl any more. And how suddenly the recipe makes so much less....because your kids have eaten most if it during the stirring.

: Western teaches Ethan, a vital skill..licking the bowl

Matching clothes do not matter..or pjs either. Kids don't feel the cold and always want to wear summer clothes in winter.

: Wings for sleeping in?

When a child is running a temp the only place they want to be is on you....and you can sleep all night on a lazy boy chair and still function the next day, it's the third day that gets a bit tricky.
Don't put dark coloured clothes on a child with a runny nose.
It doesn't matter what cute pattern is on the tissue box the kids still won't use them.
How to change your childs nappy standing up and not drop any poos.
A child believes everything you tell them...think Santa, Tooth Fairy, money grows on trees....

: Spot the Santa footprints, thanks Santa guess who has to vacuum on Xmas Day!

The front seat is the place to be in the car.
The time you leave your kids in the car while you duck to the bank there is a long queue and the kids are having a screaming match by the time you get back.
That you and your husband get to sleep together in your own bed....yeah right!